Untitled - By: Isabelle Chernetsova

Music pounds in my ears,

As I shut the screaming out,

I wipe away my salty tears,

My mind sits still, polluted with heavy doubt.

My back slides down the wooden door,

I hear a loud, sickening crash,

Followed by a scream that rattles my core,

My world turns to blackened ash.

I call it a mental breakdown,

Mom calls it bottled trauma, finally released,

But it just makes things harder,

And puts absolutely nothing at ease.

I wait until dusk passes and everyone is fast asleep,

Before opening the lights,

And tiptoeing like a little creep.

I sit at midnight at my computer,

Fingers above the keyboard,

But they remain ignored.

I write a poem in the night,

As crickets chirp,

And other houses shut the light.

“Do you ever get that feeling,

Like you’re the only peanut in the shell,

Like the only body breathing,

Slowly mustying the smell.

Do you ever get that feeling,

When your back slides down the door,

Like it’s hopeless, that it’s broken,

It’s no use to try once more.”

My mind goes blank,

The house is silent,

But the hole in my chest is loud and vibrant.

The moonlight passes through my window,

I close the curtains,

And darkness envelopes me.

Please give a detailed explanation about the meaning and main idea of this poem.

It's a true story of a girl (me). Ever since second grade, my younger sister has been having episodes. Screaming, crying, being violent. Even little things like not letting her go to a friend's house can trigger it. And then there's me. I'm the older one who has to be the easy one because my sister is already enough. I shut myself out and hide away in order to not be there. Sometimes, on really bad days, she even hits people. My mom and grandma are the main victims, because we don't live with anybody else. That's when I try to interfere. But I'm just pushed aside and told to go to my room when I try to take the hits. I pull of my headphones and pretend like I'm in a different world, with peace and quiet, but I can still hear her voice even if the volume is at it's highest.

This poem describes my feeling during the episodes, and what it's like to not be the main character but the one that's just... there.

Please explain your writing and thought process regarding this poem.

I love writing about feeling and emotions, and I write novels too. I dream of becoming an author someday. The lines "Do you ever get that feeling..." came from a song I once wrote, a few months ago. Every time I think of writing a poem, I always think about my home life and emotions, which aren't interesting enough for a whole novel, but perfect for poetry.

Why did you choose to write this poem?

Because I love writing about feelings and emotions and the character's actions based on that. Whether they're emotional and dramatic or burry themselves and become an emotionless robot, I love describing negative feeling, making the reader feel like they're in the character's mind and Like they're experiencing the feelings of the character when even they can't describe what they feel themselves.

Do you have any tips or anything to share with the youth writers who may be reading this?

Keep going. You will be rejected a million times before you won't. When I was younger and my mom would read my stories, she was honest. She'd say "Why does this character feel such hate toward this one when they did nothing wrong?" Or "The plot makes no sense!" Or "Nobody can relate, it's too fictional for a YA novel." I'd edit them, and make her read it again. The "Change this and this and this and this and this," turned into, " It's not bad, but maybe strengthen the plot a little," to "I love your style, but the plot and events are too cliche" and finally, "I really like how you write, but I'm not an author myself, so maybe ask someone more experienced for suggestions because I think it's amazing." And someday, you'll be that person too (even more!). I'm not a published author or anything, but any story can be on the shelves if you keep going. Because everyone has different taste, and someday, you'll find someone who likes it. And then, that audience will grow.