Thoughts in Bed - By: Anuska Sarkar

myself myself myself every single day living in my life

with one eye open one eye closed to the brighter side

lying there still still still this is not okay can’t breathe

tossing this way that way and round again. darkness appears

then the sun’s warmth scalds me, irons a smile to my face

wake up. be like him like him like her like them only to be

incorrect again.

the stars surround me. so pretty kind smart again and again

want to wear his shoes, her face, his mind, her heart, his hand at life

“oh what a star you are” they say, you say. smile smile smile. i know i have to

no no i am not a star just a rock, pebble. one rock, sharp rock, cracked rock. step on me.

every night lying here very very still. fire pillows, metal blankets. not ok can’t breathe

with bleeding wrists and a foaming mouth calculating every move here, there back again

can’t can’t can’t be the sun any longer i need to implode

need to explode from everywhere

so broken

can’t go on like this any longer don’t deserve to be here

leave thoughts leave. let me be. stop saying

“no don’t be. be like him like him like her like them”

“you need to be a diamond shine shine shine shine shine” no i can’t please no

no leave. i hate this me so much

leave me be here. don’t want to be but let me

can’t be flawless any longer

no

i

see

the

unwarranted

darkness

.

There is a way out.

Please give a detailed explanation about the meaning and main idea of this poem.

This poem is about mental health struggles and the severe competition for youth in today's world. My poem addresses the struggles that many youth of today face, with anxiety, depression, and the forced pressure to always be perfect or happy. The aim of this poem is to acknowledge those emotions and relate to them, while also providing comfort to the readers.

Please explain your writing and thought process regarding this poem.

Depressive emotions tend to be very chaotic. They have no hard and fast triggers, or rules, or even a set cure. I wanted my poem to reflect the disarray and unpredictability of those thoughts. That is why I chose to write it in free verse, with limited and intentionally placed punctuation. The seemingly strange repetition of the poem symbolizes how negative thoughts refuse to let go.

Why did you choose to write this poem?

I chose to write this poem because I noticed how many youth, especially teenagers between the ages of 14 and 18 struggle with mental health issues, self-worth, and anxiety over the future. I know that it is very difficult to describe negative emotions, so I wanted to write a poem to provide comfort to teenagers who feel trapped.

Do you have any tips or anything to share with the youth writers who may be reading this?

Keep writing!