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By: Nicole Manhas

I now understand why you kept photos of your exes

Why you kept in touch with old classmates

It’s because despite all the fighting, the growing apart, the sadness

There was, at one point, something good

And why wouldn’t you want to remember that?

I hope you kept our photos

I hope you kept the presents I handmade, the cards I wrote, the things I bought I hope you kept them

I hope that when you see them, something ignites within you

A love that you haven’t lost

Because I haven’t lost it.

I don’t know if I will

For me it’s different-everyone keeps telling me it’s going to be different

You were my first

My everything

But this is not just heartache and heartbreak

I never thought of living past 17

I didn’t dream of it I met you and all of a sudden, I started planning for a future

A future that involved me living past 30

A future that involved you.

And now I’m alone, again.

But I still want to live past 30

When we met, it wasn’t your job to make me want to be alive.

Yet, you made me feel alive

Now here I am, alone and feeling alive I thought killing myself was painful but wanting to be alive feels worse

But I think it’s worse because I don’t have you anymore

All I have are pictures and presents and a broken necklace

And I will forever keep them Because I might not have you,

But I had you.

Please give a detailed explanation about the meaning and main idea of this poem.:

This is about the layers of pain with moving on from a relationship. It was difficult trying to delete photos of us which made me understand his thought process on why he kept old photos, contacts, and information on people who were not in his life anymore.

Please explain your writing and thought process regarding this poem.: I had never been in a relationship before I met him. I struggled to understand the various emotions I was feeling from the heartbreak. The feelings that stood out the most for me were heartache and epiphany. I tried to describe that feeling of crushing sadness mixed with lingering love and realization in this poem.

Why did you choose to write this poem?: I was struggling with the breakup and needed an outlet that let me express my feelings, so I decided to write.

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