Brain Folds - By: Samantha Nolin

I want to live in a world where we can say “It’s okay to be who you are.”

We spend so much time thinking, and overthinking every minuscule detail that we drive ourselves insane.

When your mind swirls with memories from the past, goals for the future, and the laundry still in the basket that has yet to be put away—

Take a breath I say.

Take a breath.

When your soul becomes consumed by a topic so utterly

glorious, your eyes glue to it like a fly to sticky tape.

You wonder where this information is going to be relevant, and wonder why no one cares when you pour your heart out about a children’s tv show.

A cartoon can be so deep and meaningful, it melts your heart, and brings tears to your eyes.

Then someone carves a message into your back with their blade of apathy:

“You could do so much more.”

“You could be so much more.”

“Stop wasting your life.”

“Burden.”

Even if that thing you obsess over brightens your day, those bitter voices tear into your brain, separating those folds you developed, and the guilt that comes from having passion snuffs out.

Life is like a candle left lit in the wind. The wax slowly melts as you continuously flick the lighter,

on and off,

day by day,

flame after flame.

Ashes.

When your body is running on fumes, and your brain fogs over in the momentous movement of a crowd of people shoving you about on the C-Train— and your head pounds, and your inner voice screams, and your palms clam up with sweat, and your body shivers—

People only see the skin you wear, and the mask you put on,

but the scared human being inside is the loneliest person on earth.

The diagnosis brings a momentary sense of relief,

yet as the unknowns become known,

you are now trapped in a box of expectations.

I was born this way.

I didn’t ask to be born this way.

I will always be this way.

Forever.

Please give a detailed explanation about the meaning and main idea of this poem.

This poem is about the speaker’s own frustrations with their ADHD. The constant nagging they get from people they love makes them feel alone in the world. They exert so much energy everyday, just trying to get by. Like a candle in the wind.

Please explain your writing and thought process regarding this poem.

When I was writing this poem, I wanted to create a feeling of rushing, presented by the array of comas creating continuous speech. This is a reflection of my own experiences with ADHD, especially when I was a kid, and how the world might perceive people who have ADHD.

Why did you choose to write this poem?

There is this particular feeling of helplessness you get from having any mental health disorder. This poem may be about ADHD specifically, but I believe many people can benefit from feeling “seen” in someway, by this poem. Even if experiences don’t 1-1 line up, I hope anyone reading will feel a kinship, or a newfound understanding of what it means to live with a mental health disorder.

Do you have any tips or anything to share with the youth writers who may be reading this?

If you have something your heart wants to say, but you can’t use your words, write them down. Poetry is your friend, let it be there for you when no one else can be.