Sometimes when I lay awake at night,
I think of you.
I imagine your eyes first and wonder what you thought when you first saw me,
Newly born and without bias,
I wonder if when you looked at me and saw your younger brother's face you smiled,
I wonder if you were there at all,
Or if that image is a conjuring of my own imagination.
I close my eyes and pictured your face in my mind,
Sometimes that's the hardest part.
remembering which parts of you I fabricated and which parts really existed,
I wonder if you ever had any sleepless nights that ended with you thinking of me,
Wondering if I still look like my father,
If I laugh like him,
If I'm smart like him,
If I'm healthy like him,
I dismiss the thought immediately,
I swore I once saw you in a dream,
Long waist-length hair and my father's eyes,
Tall and graceful with long silk dresses.
I picture myself next to you,
Short and awkward with dirt-crusted jeans.
You turn slowly,
just the corners of your mouth tilt up,
A marionette of the woman I daydreamed you would be,
I close my eyes,
There's no use in thinking of you.
Please give a detailed explanation about the meaning and main idea of this poem.
This poem is about my aunt who passed away in June of 2022. This poem is to encapsulate the residual feelings and the grief of losing someone you aren't close with, which is a undescribed emotion. I wanting to showcase my thoughts and the slight melancholy curiosity I had towards her.
Please explain your writing and thought process regarding this poem.
The thought process behind this poem is essentially an open letter to my aunt of questions and thoughts I had about her in the weeks and months after she passed. I did not know my aunt personally, and we have never spoken but we share similarities and I am compared to her constantly. Her passing made a huge impact on my family, especially my dad as she was his oldest sister.
Why did you choose to write this poem?
For cathartic reasons, to really showcase my emotions and explain all the things I was thinking to myself.